He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
