Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
