Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
