You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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