need another drink. this is the easiest way
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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