Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
