I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
