I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
