I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
we're so committed to being not committed
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
