My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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