if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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