What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
