If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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