Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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