He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
