you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
