The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
