If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
