I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
