I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize