I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
