dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
