she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
