Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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