Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize