i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
