I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
