...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
