This is not my ceiling
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
