It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
