How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
