Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
