Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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