ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
