so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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