i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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