I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
