We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize