Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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