Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
