Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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