i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
