she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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