The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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