my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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