dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so explain again why im purple
no
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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