its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
