i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
