I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
