Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
