i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
