my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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