I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
