another moral hangover. fuck.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize