Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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