i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize