Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Drake has all the answers
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
