I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize