do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
