Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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