Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
