so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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