Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's blow job season.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
