i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
