I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
