so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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