If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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