You don't have asthma, your pregnant
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
